S is for story as in fractured fairy tales

The Trumpeter and the three bears

Once upon a time, there were four bears. Unfortunately, the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf (he wasn't really a wolf and all he did was to embarrass real wolves everywhere) took away one of the bears, who had not been seen since. The Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf said that he was going to get all of the bears because they didn't belong on his property. He said that everything that he touched belonged to him and, since he did a lot of touching, he had a lot of property. He took pride in being a very rich Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf.

One day, Bernie Bear invited a few bears over for dinner. They were Hillary Bear and Johnny Bear. He had invited Teddy Bear for dinner, but he said that he was busy and, besides, he wasn't afraid of that blustering motormouth, the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf.

They were going to have tea with honey, honey peanut butter sandwiches, and honey cakes for dinner. Bernie Bear said that this meal would keep all of the bears healthy and happy. He said that, before long, all of the bears would feel the Bern and that he would become the king of the land. When he became king, all of the bears throughout the land would get to have nice straw houses. It would be a grand thing in the realm of the bears. The straw house was festively decorated. All of the sensible electric candles had been plugged in and were glowing.

Just as they started eating their taste treats, the bears heard a dreadful noise from outside. It was a large shout that reverberated throughout the house.

The noise sounded like a roar of ten jet engines starting at the same time. 

"I'm going to huff, and I'm going to puff, and I'm going to blow your house down!" shouted the noisy one. "Not only that but I'm going to build a great big wall, so tall, so very tall that wall. You will love my zoo wall. I will be the king and you will live in the zoo!"

By the time that the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf finished his pronoucement, the three bears had run away from Bernie Bear's straw house and had come to Johnny Bear's mud house. The Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf did not know that the house was unoccupied. He had a gift for being full of hot air so he had no trouble summoning enough air to blow down the straw house. 

"Haha, now I will get those bears. The house is gone. No one is going to feel any sort of Bern any more. They will love me and only... hey, wait a second! Where are those bears? I want them to go into the Zoo so that I can be the king of the land!"

The bears, at that moment, were enjoying a cup of herbal tea at Johnny Bear's house. Johnny Bear said that he was going to serve cheese, light honey, dark honey, and and whole wheat bread. He said that this was a nice, sensible meal, good for all bears. He said that the bears would not pay any attention to the blustering Fake Trumpeter Wolf but would make him the king of the land.

Before long, the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf was howling and was attempting to blow down Johnny Bear's house. He then realized that he was supposed to make an announcement before blowing the house down, so he stopped huffing and puffing long enough to roar, "I'm going to huff and I'm going to puff, and I'm going to blow this house down!"

The three bears wasted no time in racing to Hillary Bear's house. The house was made of gold leaf. Hillary Bear liked making speeches and she had made enough money from her speeches to pay for a house made of gold leaf.  The food was already prepared. It was all dessert, made with only the best, rarest, and most expensive honey. Hillary Bear know that, if she had the best desserts served, all of the bears would love her and would make her king. She had already decided that king was a better title than queen and that she would have the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf sweep away the broken bits of the glass ceiling that she had shattered just by being a powerful Hillary Bear.

Before long, the Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf had arrived at Hillary Bear's gold leaf house. He immediately fell in love with it and couldn't summon the air power necessary to blow it down. He looked at it longingly and lovingly. He then walked away from the gold leaf house. 

The bears continued enjoying their meal, undisturbed by any Big Bad Trumpeter Fake Wolf, and not a single one of them ever became the King of the Land.