My meow could launch a thousand ships

 Note: Alice decided to take a day off from posting so she invited a guest poster to take her place. Please welcome Lucy, who is writing her very first blog post.

Hi, my name is Lucy, and I am Alice's foster kitty. I've been living with her for almost six weeks, and I have been working hard to train her. She is kind of stubborn, which is a common human trait. That's why humans are constantly doing the same silly things over and over again. Because they are so incredibly stubborn. Like, for example, Alice. I see her sitting on a chair and pressing all of these buttons and looking at a screen. She needs to pay attention only to me so I like to lie down in front of the screen so she can't see my rival. But she keeps shooing me off of that object and I tell her exactly what I think of her before I race at top speed to the litter box. Which reminds me. Another weakness of humans or at least my human. She sits on this chair in the bathroom and reads a book. How rude is that? It definitely delays her feeding me. 

Speaking about the feeding me time, I definitely need to mention breakfast. Do you know what work it is to get that sleepy human to feed me? I literally have to campaign for my food.

First, I run into the bedroom, meowing plaintively (yes, I have many different meows with a variety of meanings). The next thing to do is to jump on the bed. That sleepyhead human never responds to the first meows. I know that it's time to up the game. Literally. I jump onto the bed and put my face in the human's face. I purr very loudly because I know that the human likes purrs and, with humans, it is necessary to offer both a carrot and a stick. Usually, however, that doesn't work. She pets me and goes back to sleep.

It's time to step it up if I want breakfast. My meow can launch a thousand ships but I seem to be incapable of launching a single human from her slumber. So... when she opens her eyes, I put my rear end in her face. Right in her face. She says something about that but, since she's talking in human, I don't know what she's saying so I go about doing whatever I want to do, anyway. For sure, that is what I need to do because I need my breakfast.  I jump up and down from the bed. I employ my entire range of meows and I walk across Alice's legs, as if she were a street and I want to cross to the other side. If she still turns over and goes back to sleep, I have to employ stronger measures. My favorite is to bite the top of her head. That usually does the trick.

Finally, she gets up, and I decide to test her to make sure that she's not going to do something else. Like play with that object that she won't let me use as a chair. Sometimes, she surprises me in the morning by encouraging me to play with my toys. She does that at more appropriate times of day, too. She does try but she's only a human. So I have to test her a little. I walk between her legs and she is forced to pay attention to me and only to me. It truly is all about me. I'm a cat so I can get away with that. Then she serves me my breakfast. I like pate. Only pate. Don't give me any of that gravy stuff. No chunks of chicken or anything else yucky that silly humans feed their Cat bosses. 

After breakfast, I've got a burst of energy so I like working on my jumping skills. I jump on any surface possible. My favorite is the high bookcase. I look for bugs there. So far, I haven't found any. Sometimes, I see this odd hairy object. It's kind of long and I like to run after it. It's hard to catch. Every time that I run, it moves away from me, so I end up by running in circles after it. I also like to give myself baths up there. Speaking about baths, I've noticed that the human doesn't know how to wash herself properly in proper Cat Style. 

And then, there are the places for rest and relaxation, which include the table, on top of the book case, on top of the sofa back, on top of the human's bed, and on the floor with at least one of my legs in the human's shoe.

When that silly human tries to put those shoes on her feet, I let loose with a furious meow and a big shake of my tail.

My shoe. Not yours. Mine. Always mine. Because I am Cat and you are not.

Well, I've been awake long enough and it's time for another nap before my nocturnal fun session. Bye for now.

love,

Lucy

P.S. Look for something from that human tomorrow.