Sunday, January 4, 2015

Is that really illegal?? (stupid laws in the United States) (part one)

In Alabama, it is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.
Horse: That works for me.
Human: There are hardly any horses on the street. I have to open the umbrella on the street because opening it up inside is bad luck, which may be a bigger deterrent than the merely illegal.

Also, in Alabama, 
you may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
That's why we do laundry.

Alabama laws are funny. But church is serious business. Hence: 
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

I don't know why you would put a moose in an airplane but, just in case you do, in Alaska,
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. Get that? No shoving meese... um, I mean mooses out of the airplane or out of cabooses (which is a train so I guess that's OK because trains are not covered by that law). And, while we are on the topic of how to behave around mooses, in Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. No happy juice for a moose!

In Arizona, it is illegal to hunt camels. Also, donkeys are not permitted to sleep in bathtubs. What can I say? You sleep in the bathtub and let the donkey have your bed. It's not illegal for you to sleep in the bathtub! In Prescott, Arizona, 
no one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house. Not that I've ever seen a horse doing stairs, but you never know.
When you visit Arkansas, make sure to pronounce Arkansas correctly because mispronouncing Arkansas is illegal.  Oh, and there is nothing like requiring rivers to obey laws. 
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to theMain Street bridge in Little Rock. Not sure how you penalize a river for violating the law but, hey, the law is the law! Not only does Arkansas regulate river behavior, it also regulates dog behavior. It is illegal for dogs to bark after six o'clock in the evening in Little Rock. Make sure to get your dogs watches for their birthday so they'll know when it is time to stop barking. 
In Arkansas, I guess that it's OK to let the donkey sleep in the bathtub but is illegal to let an alligator sleep in the bathtub. For sure, you sleep in the bathtub and let the alligator have your bed (especially if it's a water bed).

In Baldwin Park, California, it is against the law to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (Oh darn! That's where I like riding bicycles.)

In Blythe, California, people are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless they own at least two cows.

Apparently, Carmel, California, has the Fashion Police on patrol, keeping everyone safe from Repulsive Bad Fashion Statements. It is illegal for men to go outside wearing jackets and pants that don't match.

In Colorado, it is illegal to mutilate rocks in state parks, which is a good thing because it is actually pretty difficult to mutilate a rock.

In Denver, Colorado, it is illegal to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.  Apparently, it's OK to lend the vacuum cleaner to the person across the street.

In Connecticut, police can stop you if you are bicycling over 65 miles per hour. Why? Do they give you a medal or something for your bicycling prowess??

In Waterford, Connecticut, it is illegal for hairdressers to whistle, hum, or sing while working on a customer's hair. Singing telegrams are OK but singing hairdressers... no..

In Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, you must behave properly. It is illegal to do any of the following activities: 

  • change your clothes in your car (phone booths would be OK but there are no more phone booths so what the heck does Superman do?)
  • whisper in church
  • pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk. Make sure that you really are asleep. Insomnia on benches is illegal.
  • change in or out of a bathing suit at a public restroom...
Whoops, Florida banned all computers and smart phones in internet cafes. Um. Wow. Apparently, that was a mistake or it was the revenge of the technophobes.

Also, in Florida, it is illegal to sell your children. Get those for sale signs off of the kids. It's even illegal to sell the kids if they break dishes but the law limits how many dishes may be broken in a day: three dishes may be broken and four cups and/or saucers may be chipped. 
Apparently, it is not illegal for the kids to sell their parents, however. That doesn't mean that you have to rush out to buy for sale signs to attach to Mom and Dad. Keep those parental units and... no, don't sell them to an antique store when they get old!!!

Florida law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sundays. Single ladies who do so risk arrest, fine, and/or a jail sentence. Wait until 12:01 a.m. and it is Monday morning, which means that the sky diving is legal.

Watch who you have sexual relations with. It is illegal to have sex with a porcupine. Obviously a sharp legal mind came up with that one.
More later (in part two).

For more silly and stupid laws, take a look at really stupid laws website.



7 comments:

Miriam said...

That is crazy. Some of these laws just plain don't make sense. Go on the Twitter account, FactHive, you will find some hilarious ones on there too!

Alecia @ ChickenScratch NY said...

I think the no alcohol with Moose is a good plan, law or no :-)

Michelle Oviatt said...

This is hilarious!!! I read these out loud to my hubby and friend and they're cracking up. Going to share your link on FB!!

Catherine said...

Those are too funny! Thanks for the laughs.

Alyce Eccentrick said...

Thank you all very much. It was fun to write this.

Susie said...

What a riot! The funny kind that is! LOLOLOL Thanks for sharing...

Holly Jahangiri said...

Google "how do porcupines have sex" and you'll totally understand that one! (Spoiler alert: OMG, it's a wonder there are any baby porcupines at all.)

Of course, this begs the question: Is it okay to have sex with other animals there? Ew.

Love your added commentary on these silly laws! Most of these are probably only on the books (assuming any still are) in order to attract interest in the state, and maybe increase tourism revenues. But it does make you wonder about the history behind the laws, doesn't it? SOMETHING must've provoked them. That, or a legislator felt his colleagues were sleeping on the job, and felt compelled to prove it!